Last year,  I had the honor of speaking at The 1st Annual Healed In Heels 2016. I had no idea on what to speak about but when I looked at the name of the organization, I thought about the journey I went on to be healed from traumatic events in my own life.  When writing Scriptures For Strippers, the chapter on Forgiveness discuss how I began the process of forgiving my daddy for abandoning me and my mom when I was 6 years old. I decided to post my speech from last year to get an idea of the powerful Word that went forth. After reading this post, I hope you feel encouraged enough to register for the FREE 2017 event. 

The founder of Healed In Heels Inc., Coco Gayle, has a mission to help women heal the societal and self inflicted  and conquering strongholds by being transparent about her powerful testimony about being delivered from issues such as domestic violence,  drug abuse, alcohol abuse and more. Visit the website for more info at http://www.HealedInHeels.com.

Healed In Heels 2016

To stay on topic of Healed in Heels, we must understand how to sow seeds of forgiveness in order to reap the harvest of healing. Why? Because the Bible says we must forgive. Why else? Because unforgiveness can manifest illness in our bodies, cloud and clog up our minds which will have a negative effect on our ability to be effective in the Kingdom of God.


Dealing with uncomfortable situations are supposed to provide a testimony for goodness and glory but if we have unforgiveness, we may not be able to witness properly. We may keep a person bound who God sent our way to help set free. 

What is unforgiveness? 

It is a spiritual or mental wound. A wound is raw, painful and open. It’s sensitive to touch. The topic is tender. When dealing with unforgiveness, a person or may make you feel angry, depressed, vengeful or sad. A scar is healed tissues identified as a mark that indicates there was a wound. There is no pain and true skin is closed. When there is forgiveness, the topic is closed with limited negative emotions even if there has been no closure. Sometimes the only closure you get is closing the door on it after you’ve given it to God. 

We may feel like we don’t need to forgive anyone because it happened a long time ago or we don’t think about it anymore. The question is when it does come up, how does it affect your mood? Your attitude? Do you relive the conversation, betrayal or situation all over again? 

If you answered yes to any of these things, you have unforgiveness in your heart. But there’s good news! Tell your neighbor, “I’m going to sow a seed of forgiveness today! ” 

Turn to another neighbor and tell them, “I’m going to start my healing process today!”

As I speak I want each if you to think on something that has happened which is extremely difficult for you to forgive. Wow it down on the paper you received when you came in and fold it up. Maybe you can’t think of anything…Ask God to reveal your own heart to you. (If you reading this blog,  I’d like for you to stop and write something down too.  You will need it for later.) 

We must ask God to open our spiritual eyes so we may see our whole heart. Search the dark corners of your heart to explore different areas we need to start the process of forgiveness in so we may enter into the light. So we don’t allow satan to have control of our hearts and minds any longer. We must give ourselves over to God so we ourselves can receive forgiveness and be released from our sins that we have committed against God. 

*Side note: If you do a lot of requesting without seeing the blessing, it could be because you are living without forgiving. 
I mean requesting spiritual fruits which are peace, love and joy. If your refuse to forgive, these things will always elude you. Some people feel like prayer is the only way past a situation. There is nothing wrong with prayer…that is unless you’re praying wrong… Let us explore that for a moment. We have the Lord’s prayer at MATTHEW 6:7‭-‬15 AMP where we are instructed on how to pray.

And when you pray, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. So do not be like them [praying as they do]; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. “Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. ‘ Your kingdom come, Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven. ‘Give us this day our daily bread. ‘And forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors [letting go of both the wrong and the resentment]. ‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. [For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.]’ For if you forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others [nurturing your hurt and anger with the result that it interferes with your relationship with God], then your Father will not forgive your trespasses.
MATTHEW 6:7‭-‬15 AMP


*Forgiveness is a part of every good prayer. When we ask God for anything it requires us to release grudges.*

When we get to the part where we say, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”, aren’t we saying we are indeed forgiving whoever and whatever? And if we are saying that without actually forgiving them, aren’t we then lying to God? How many of you like being lied to? How long can you listen to someone after they tell you something you know is a lie? How do you think God feels when we pray like this? Thou shalt not lie is a commandment! Some of us are breaking a commandment to God! We all need to be forgiven by God for something because none of us are perfect.

I can see some of y’all looking like, “Well, I don’t pray like that anyway. I don’t even know the Lord’s prayer.” Let me go ahead and address that. If you have unforgiveness in your heart, as you request anything from God in prayer, you are in violation and you are wasting your time.

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.
Mark 11:25 AMPC

Forgiveness is a prerequisite for any kind of breakthrough or healing. A prerequisite is a prerequirement. Something that is required before you get something else. Cornrows is a prerequisite for a sew-in. So you understand that forgiveness is a prerequisite for healing and breakthrough. Nobody can go into the salon with an Afro on her head and the stylist immediately starts sewing tracks in. There is a tedious and sometimes painful process of getting your hair braided before you get your length! So corn rows is the prerequisite for a sew in and forgiveness is the prerequisite for healing and breakthrough. 

If you choose not to forgive, the result will interfere with your relationship with God. 

Again, if you do a lot of requesting without the blessing it could be because you are living without forgiving. 

You may be totally justified in resenting someone. Don’t let that person or event keep you from receiving forgiveness for yourself. Unforgiveness is a like a festering spiritual wound. The way you treat a wound to your flesh should be the way you treat unforgiveness in your spirit. 

Let’s imagine you have a cut on your arm. You would disinfect or clean it, medicate it and cover it. But you have to do it in order. Remember, forgiveness is a prerequiste for healing. You wouldn’t cover a wound that hasn’t been cleaned because it will cause infection. You wouldn’t clean it after you medicate it. 

The Process of Forgiveness- First Aid for a Cut

Cleanse yourself by taking it all to God and giving Him possession of the wound. Focus on releasing any pain, irritation or discomfort of the offense. During this time you may cry, yell or scream as the antiseptic is administered to the fleshly wounded. The same supplies to a spiritual wound. It may hurt to revisit the grudge The resentment may be hard to let go of. Give it to God. Cut off your permission to think of this issue as yours. This step of disinfecting stops germs from creating more serious issues like infection which can lead to amputation. Your spirit can be so infected by refusing to cleanse with forgiveness, you could cause your blessing to be amputated or cut off. Be sure to disinfect yourself with proper prayer. 

Medicate the issue with the healing Words of psalms. (Psalm 27) and Proverbs. Explore psalms as they provide comfort. Explore proverbs as it provides instructions on how to live. You will need to reprogram the way you think and operate now because you will no longer behave with a chip on your shoulder. 

Cover the wound with prayer. Continually ask God to take away any animosity, anger, guilt, or any negative feeling associated with the situation. The mind is the battle ground that needs to be covered the most. Because forgiving is a process, you may have to repeat these steps until you can see and feel healing slowly take place. 

After going through the forgiveness process a few times, you may feel you are passed the situation but this may not be true. When a person reaches a certain stage in the healing process, they may feel strong enough to confront a person. But we all know that just because we take a bandage off of a wound doesn’t mean we won’t feel any pain is it’s nudged or pressed on. 
When we confront people about things we feel we have forgiven them for and that person doesn’t have the response we feel we deserve or doesn’t respond at all, we open the wound back up with more bleeding and more pain. Our only expectation should be from God. (Psalm 62.) Don’t look for someone to know their lines and say exactly what you need them to say for you to feel better. 

For this reason it is important not allow your ability you forgive be dependent on someone’s willingness or ability to apologize sufficiently. You may never be free because you may never get that apology. Start the process of forgiveness over again and allow your wounds to become a scar. Scars remind us of the injury (what happened) without including the pain. Hallelujah! 

How to stay Healed

Pay attention to the voice of the Lord, do what is right in His sight, keep His commandments and laws, God will keep you from things that ails others. You will be healed in different areas if your life. 

At this time, hopefully you have written down something or someone you need to forgive. Fold it up tight and hold hands with your neighbor. Tell your neighbor, We are about to sow our seeds of healing right now! We are going to help each other release this burden and sow our seeds of healing.”


Whatever you wrote down will be released from your possession. Before you throw it away, be sure you are separating from it and allowing God to heal your heart from it. You will no longer carry this situation in your spirit. Pray for your release as well as the person you are connected to. 

*Let us Pray.*

Lord God, help us release it. WE WANT HEALING, LORD. We want to start over and be refreshed and renewed. Help us release the stronghold and never look back. Make us whole without the apology. Give us closure. Give us peace. We want our joy back. 

Your Word says:

For wherever two or three are gathered (drawn together as My followers) in (into) My name, there I AM in the midst of them. [Exod. 3:14.]
Matthew 18:20 AMPC

Who is a God like You, Who forgives iniquity and passes over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He retains not His anger forever, because He delights in mercy and loving-kindness. He will again have compassion on us; He will subdue and tread underfoot our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. [Ps. 103:12.]
Micah 7:18‭-‬19 AMPC

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:12 AMPC

Then shall your light break forth like the morning, and your healing (your restoration and the power of a new life) shall spring forth speedily; your righteousness (your rightness, your justice, and your right relationship with God) shall go before you [conducting you to peace and prosperity], and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. [Exod. 14:19, 20; Isa. 52:12.]
Isaiah 58:8 AMPC

We are leaning on your Word to help us begin this journey of forgiveness so wet can get to the healing You have for us. We thank you for forgiving us and all that you cover into our hearts and help us forgive. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen! 

Begin to thank and praise God for being a burden bearer. Thank God for the healing! Amen! 

*Give it to God activity* Take the piece of paper with you wrote on earlier and fold it up. After praying and asking that God carry this burden toss paper into the trash. You can rip the paper up or simply throw it away. When you dispose of it, represents the sea of forgetfulness. This issue is no longer yours.  Give it God as many times as you need to in order not to carry it. 

The 2nd Annual Healed in Heels Women Conference’s theme is Survivor’s Remorse and will be held Saturday, October 21, 2017. Get your mother, aunts, cousins, co-workers,  workout partners,  best friends,  ex-friends and even enemies together to come to Healed in Heels to learn about survivor’s remorse this year.  Click the link below to get your free ticket! 

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/healed-in-heels-survivors-remorse-tickets-35652435394?aff=eand

We hope to see you there! 

Sayuri Smith and Coco Gayle

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED copyright  Sayuri Smith LLC. 

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