As a woman attempts to find herself on another path through life’s journey, she may experience desperation. Many people imagine that in order for a woman to become a stripper, she had to be desperate in the first place. Many times that’s not the case… it wasn’t for me. As a child, I loved dancing and wanted to dance for money when I grew up. It was very simple to me but of course, it wouldn’t be that simple.

I did grow up and became a dancer in a strip club. When I came in contact with customers who thought they could take advantage of me or exploit my position as a stripper, it disturbed me very much. Customers who tried to make deals or negotiate prices of dance performances because they assumed I was desperate for money. This was extremely offensive and was one of the worst parts of dancing for me. I wasn’t desperate for money but I was there to earn it. I soon started to recognize how the devil attempts to use the spirit of despair and desperation against strippers.

For me, dancing was supposed to be a lucrative, fun, care-free endeavor that allowed me to showcase my ability to dance that I later learned would also require me to expose my body. Those two things were hard enough to do but when the predatory customers and even some times club management impose their sexual desires on dancers based on their warped, disgusting sociaopathic personalities, the job turns into something totally different. It is important to note that being desperate is the last thing you want to be as an exotic dancer in a strip club.

Although I know being a desperate dancer is dangerous, it didn’t prevent me from becoming desperate. Coming to work everyday and dancing my heart out was a dream come true at first but then it began to wear down on me and I was desperate to get escape. All of my other goals and aspirations were put on the back burner and dancing was the only thing I had. I had dropped out of court reporting school which was another one of my dreams and also was my ticket out of the club. I scrambled to become anything other than a dancer and became desperate to escape the club. I would have panic attacks when it was time for work and I was desperate for peace in my mind. I was desperate for a vision for my life. I was desperate to be free from spiritual weakness and emotional instability. No matter how desperate I got, I never saw the devil as an ally. I didn’t turn on myself and allow the devil to use me against myself. I had negative self-talk and put myself down a lot and realized the devil was making me punish myself but I didn’t allow the devil to convince me to use hard drugs and alcohol as an escape.

Let us test and examine our ways, and let us return to the Lord. Lamentations 3:40

I was reading the Bible and trying to be encouraged but it just wasn’t working. I was prescribed pain medication for my debilitating chronic back pain and was afraid I would start abusing my medication so I would only take half of the pills. I knew I was trying to kill my pain but the desperation was causing depression, which brought isolation, which brought loneliness and eventually a spirit of suicide came over me.

When I finally got into a church, I was relieved. The pastor was prophetic, which means he spoke the Word of God into the future of the congregation. The words spoken over my life were invaluable and that’s when I learned how to implement the strategy and power of the spiritual weapon (the Bible) and fight spiritual warfare. I became desperate for God and that desperation saved my life. This negative word became the activation of my faith. My desperation for a way of escape from my financial dependency on the strip club to provide basic needs for me and my young son. I was desperate for God to reveal his PLAN for my life. It was my decision to start working in the strip club and God had protected and preserved my life through it all. I was grateful that I had been blessed enough to live my dream as a dancer, I would never have to wonder what would have been. I was grateful to God that I had the experience I had but I was sure that this lifestyle wasn’t the PURPOSE for my life.

Many people debate with me about bringing God into the life of a stripper but I DO NOT CARE!!!!!! NOBODY can tell me God’s hand has not been on my life…or any other exotic dancer’s life. I refused to allow the devil to convince me I was desperate inside the club. But the truth was, I became depressed and felt myself slowly deteriorating and self-destructing.

I had never paid attention to denominations of churches but with this being a prophetic ministry, the altar calls literally spoke life into me. At the end of each sermon, the pastor would ask if anyone needed prayer and I went to the altar every week. I didn’t have to say anything. These people just prayed and laid hands on me. I always felt a little bit lighter as I held on to each positive, prophetic word spoken over my life. I remember one time the pastor’s wife said, “You will help thousands of women. You are an overcomer. Your story will set so many free.” My life was falling apart as I had anxiety attacks and dealt with bouts of very deep depression from my emotional and spiritual exhaustion from being a dancer. To this day, those words ring in my mind and I am floored at how good God has been to me. I began to read the Bible, fast, pray and seek instruction from God through meditation. I began to hear from God and follow His directions. It was a horribly hard road to ride but I eventually did leave the club. I got another job. But that wasn’t the end. My desperation for change and living in the purpose of God made my journey in my faith walk possible. I didn’t want to go backwards and the only thing that kept me forward was my desperation for a new lifestyle.

“…I am the Lord your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you in the way that you should go.” Isaiah 48:17 AMPC

Nobody ever aspires to be a crack whore, alcoholic, or prostitute but devil-inspired desperation is the gateway to these dead-end traps. I pray that anyone who is working as a dancer, prostitute, escort or WHATEVER turn to GOD today. He made you for a purpose that you are NOT fulfilling. The good news is He will accept you back. Let your desperation work for you and not against you. He is waiting for you. If you want God to speak into your life, get in the Word of GOD. He will meet your needs better than any man, club, pimp or “friend” ever could. Get to the source! God is your supplier… The REAL plug!

“And my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

If you don’t know what to read, get your copy of Scriptures for Strippers from Amazon.com or from http://www.ScripturesForStrippers.com. I pray you find a peace and joy again.

I’m praying for you.

Photo Credit: “Do Monsters Dream” @kirzart on Instagram https://www.KirzArt.com/

Check out the church I was telling you about in this blog post at https://www.thekingdomharvest.com/

Check out this song by Byron Cage… It explains everything perfectly!

https://youtu.be/BhK4XGFYd38

Copyright ©2017 Sayuri Smith LLC. All rights reserved.

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3 thoughts on “Desperation: Destructive with the devil; Deliverance with God

  1. WOW! What a phenomenal testimony to the Power of Prophecy, Prayer, Persistence & Godly Desperation! I’m so proud of you and thankful that you are now an example for so many people who need deliverance, healing & the true love of God! On behalf of my wife (First Lady), and your Faith family at KHOM, I want to say we love you and appreciate your life! Keep doing what you’re doing…..

    -Pastor Ramone Preston

    1. I thank God for the role you and your wife has played in my life. Thank you for being shameless and effective in prompting people to participate in praise and worship…. That was also key… But another blog post lol. Thank you for commenting!

  2. Wow..this is very inspirational. I can definitely relate to your situation. I was dancing for not to long but slowly but surely I could feel myself loosing myself. Leading into destructing myself…knowing I grew up as a child of God. Looking for somewhere to cope and fit in. Thank God he has saved me again and blessed me and always protected me when I least deserved it in Jesus name. Keep the faith and hope no one finds this harmful or offensive. People do make mistakes and people do change for the better

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