What Every Dancer can Learn from Micheal Jackson: Searching for Neverland

As a woman who has transitioned out of adult entertainment, I understood why Michael walked around with his face covered and was so soft spoken while of the stage. I like Michael Jackson’s music but I wouldn’t consider myself a fan because I wouldn’t scream, cry or attempt to touch him if I ever saw him. We have so much in common as entertainers, it was mandatory for me to write a review of Searching for Neverland, as this film confirmed my initial comparison. At one of my lowest points, I would wear a ski mask (even in the summer) when I left the house. I always thought of Michael Jackson when I got the curious stares and even the comments. 

The movie is told from the point of view of the man in charge of keeping Michael Jackson and his children safe as his bodyguard. He was being questioned about how the King of Pop died. As he sat in the hot seat answering questions, I began to think of my own experiences as an entertainer. As a transition coach to women who are attempting to transition out of adult entertainment lifestyle, I saw this movie with empathetic eyes. I understand there are very few people who are close to you and your ability to trust people becomes more and more tainted with each disappointment in friendship or even business relationship. Michael was a single parent to 3 children whom he seemed to love very much. He would go on lavish shopping sprees and shut stores down. He was protective of his children and loved to see them smile. 

He had not done a show in a few years and his agent and others were attempting to apply pressure to him to sign papers that would require him to do another show. He dreaded going back up on stage because of what it costed him. Michael definately gave his all during his performances and he was well aware that his age and stamina is not what it used to be. But with the bills piling up, the pressure for him to perform again sent him into a downward spiral of depression and feeling trapped. His reputation had suffered tremendously from the scandal at his old home, Neverland, which accused him of molesting a young boy.

As I watched Neverland, I began to reflect on how my relationship with my love of dance and newly discovered outlet (the strip club) began to deteriorate. Michael had a heart for people; especially children. I believe this was his way of mourning the loss of his own childhood, the one irreplaceable thing that the music industry took from him. As a dancer, turned stripper, I felt Michael’s pain. To turn someone’s absolute love for something against them is cruel, confusing, depressing and degrading. My reputation as an exotic dancer made me feel like a laughing stock and an outcast. I was stereotyped when people did learn of what I did for a living but I was nothing like how they thought. I began to hate people. All people. Because of the disdain people felt about my occupation, I began to be uncomfortable with myself and hated to socialize. I became a recluse and only left the house to work, under the cover of darkness.

The loneliness Michael Jackson lived through was like a loud ringing silence. Through the shopping sprees and grand homes were not enough for people to come around. The hate mail kept rolling in and made him even more isolated. He wasn’t getting any sleep and drank lots of wine. His phone never rang with someone calling to chat or check on him and the kids. I remembered sitting in the house like a hermit, hoping someone would call me. Then I thought of how I didn’t really want to talk. I just wanted someone to care. My mom and sisters would call me some time but I was never free to talk to them about my nights at the club. I was trapped in my own life. I didn’t fit anywhere. I loved dancing but hated interacting with people who assumed they could say certain things to me (without me being offended). I hated how people always wanted more and more of me. I hated how I felt when I had to find a nice way to turn down a disrespectful proposal. I worked very hard a few times a month so I wouldn’t have to keep going to that dreadful place.

My love for dance never died but my anxiety over the stress of working in this environment where I was constantly propositioned for prostitution and I could feel my innocence being stripped away became too much for a 20-yr-old young woman to handle. The irony to the way I was feeling about my newfound life was, financially speaking, the lifestyle was very easy to live. I did not worry about bills or money. One of the hardest things about transitioning for me was to adjust my spending habits and getting on a good sleep schedule. Michael triggered me a few times in the film but nothing got to me as much as when he became upset about being presented with the paperwork that would lock him in a contract to put on another show. He agreed but name it the “This Is It!” tour. In the movie, there came a time when months went by without him paying the security men because Michael could not afford to pay. But they still came to work each day because they realized that Michael had NO ONE but his children and the nanny.

Everytime I had to go back inside the club to earn a living, I would declare the same thing. “This is IT! I’m not getting another permit for another club after this!” (Dancers have to purchase permits to work as strippers that last for 1 year) But the anxiety and depression I endured hurt me so bad when I had to go to work due to lack of funds. The mental strain was unbearable; not to mention the pain I knew I would suffer after dancing my heart out each night. At 12 years old, I was diagnosed with idiopathic adolescent scoliosis. I had to live with this debilitating pain 24/7. Compounding this with the sore muscles I knew were coming from the 8-hour aerobics in 6 inch stillettos was like a death sentence. Dread does not even begin to describe how I felt about going back into the club.

When it was announced that Michael was in the hospital in the movie, I totally broke down. I remember the feeling of being trapped between the strip club and mainstream society. Micheal had a total meltdown once he understood that it was necessary and mandatory for him to perform. He was planning to purchase a new home and be free from the contracts that owned him. When he died, I cried like I was at a funeral. His decision to die instead of performing was the most triggering thing for me. I’m not sure I believe a doctor killed him but I am sure that the entertainment industry will consume you. Making a transition out of the lifestyle is hard enough but I could not imagine it being compounded with the flashing lights of the cameras brought on by worldwide fame and the inability to be a human being. I hope people can learn that even famous people are actual people with hearts, minds and feelings too. Rest In Heaven, Michael Jackson. We love and miss you.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED SAYURI SMITH

Forgiveness: Healing at Healed in Heels 2016 Women’s Conference

Last year,  I had the honor of speaking at The 1st Annual Healed In Heels 2016. I had no idea on what to speak about but when I looked at the name of the organization, I thought about the journey I went on to be healed from traumatic events in my own life.  When writing Scriptures For Strippers, the chapter on Forgiveness discuss how I began the process of forgiving my daddy for abandoning me and my mom when I was 6 years old. I decided to post my speech from last year to get an idea of the powerful Word that went forth. After reading this post, I hope you feel encouraged enough to register for the FREE 2017 event. 

The founder of Healed In Heels Inc., Coco Gayle, has a mission to help women heal the societal and self inflicted  and conquering strongholds by being transparent about her powerful testimony about being delivered from issues such as domestic violence,  drug abuse, alcohol abuse and more. Visit the website for more info at http://www.HealedInHeels.com.

Healed In Heels 2016

To stay on topic of Healed in Heels, we must understand how to sow seeds of forgiveness in order to reap the harvest of healing. Why? Because the Bible says we must forgive. Why else? Because unforgiveness can manifest illness in our bodies, cloud and clog up our minds which will have a negative effect on our ability to be effective in the Kingdom of God.


Dealing with uncomfortable situations are supposed to provide a testimony for goodness and glory but if we have unforgiveness, we may not be able to witness properly. We may keep a person bound who God sent our way to help set free. 

What is unforgiveness? 

It is a spiritual or mental wound. A wound is raw, painful and open. It’s sensitive to touch. The topic is tender. When dealing with unforgiveness, a person or may make you feel angry, depressed, vengeful or sad. A scar is healed tissues identified as a mark that indicates there was a wound. There is no pain and true skin is closed. When there is forgiveness, the topic is closed with limited negative emotions even if there has been no closure. Sometimes the only closure you get is closing the door on it after you’ve given it to God. 

We may feel like we don’t need to forgive anyone because it happened a long time ago or we don’t think about it anymore. The question is when it does come up, how does it affect your mood? Your attitude? Do you relive the conversation, betrayal or situation all over again? 

If you answered yes to any of these things, you have unforgiveness in your heart. But there’s good news! Tell your neighbor, “I’m going to sow a seed of forgiveness today! ” 

Turn to another neighbor and tell them, “I’m going to start my healing process today!”

As I speak I want each if you to think on something that has happened which is extremely difficult for you to forgive. Wow it down on the paper you received when you came in and fold it up. Maybe you can’t think of anything…Ask God to reveal your own heart to you. (If you reading this blog,  I’d like for you to stop and write something down too.  You will need it for later.) 

We must ask God to open our spiritual eyes so we may see our whole heart. Search the dark corners of your heart to explore different areas we need to start the process of forgiveness in so we may enter into the light. So we don’t allow satan to have control of our hearts and minds any longer. We must give ourselves over to God so we ourselves can receive forgiveness and be released from our sins that we have committed against God. 

*Side note: If you do a lot of requesting without seeing the blessing, it could be because you are living without forgiving. 
I mean requesting spiritual fruits which are peace, love and joy. If your refuse to forgive, these things will always elude you. Some people feel like prayer is the only way past a situation. There is nothing wrong with prayer…that is unless you’re praying wrong… Let us explore that for a moment. We have the Lord’s prayer at MATTHEW 6:7‭-‬15 AMP where we are instructed on how to pray.

And when you pray, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. So do not be like them [praying as they do]; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. “Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. ‘ Your kingdom come, Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven. ‘Give us this day our daily bread. ‘And forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors [letting go of both the wrong and the resentment]. ‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. [For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.]’ For if you forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others [nurturing your hurt and anger with the result that it interferes with your relationship with God], then your Father will not forgive your trespasses.
MATTHEW 6:7‭-‬15 AMP


*Forgiveness is a part of every good prayer. When we ask God for anything it requires us to release grudges.*

When we get to the part where we say, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”, aren’t we saying we are indeed forgiving whoever and whatever? And if we are saying that without actually forgiving them, aren’t we then lying to God? How many of you like being lied to? How long can you listen to someone after they tell you something you know is a lie? How do you think God feels when we pray like this? Thou shalt not lie is a commandment! Some of us are breaking a commandment to God! We all need to be forgiven by God for something because none of us are perfect.

I can see some of y’all looking like, “Well, I don’t pray like that anyway. I don’t even know the Lord’s prayer.” Let me go ahead and address that. If you have unforgiveness in your heart, as you request anything from God in prayer, you are in violation and you are wasting your time.

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.
Mark 11:25 AMPC

Forgiveness is a prerequisite for any kind of breakthrough or healing. A prerequisite is a prerequirement. Something that is required before you get something else. Cornrows is a prerequisite for a sew-in. So you understand that forgiveness is a prerequisite for healing and breakthrough. Nobody can go into the salon with an Afro on her head and the stylist immediately starts sewing tracks in. There is a tedious and sometimes painful process of getting your hair braided before you get your length! So corn rows is the prerequisite for a sew in and forgiveness is the prerequisite for healing and breakthrough. 

If you choose not to forgive, the result will interfere with your relationship with God. 

Again, if you do a lot of requesting without the blessing it could be because you are living without forgiving. 

You may be totally justified in resenting someone. Don’t let that person or event keep you from receiving forgiveness for yourself. Unforgiveness is a like a festering spiritual wound. The way you treat a wound to your flesh should be the way you treat unforgiveness in your spirit. 

Let’s imagine you have a cut on your arm. You would disinfect or clean it, medicate it and cover it. But you have to do it in order. Remember, forgiveness is a prerequiste for healing. You wouldn’t cover a wound that hasn’t been cleaned because it will cause infection. You wouldn’t clean it after you medicate it. 

The Process of Forgiveness- First Aid for a Cut

Cleanse yourself by taking it all to God and giving Him possession of the wound. Focus on releasing any pain, irritation or discomfort of the offense. During this time you may cry, yell or scream as the antiseptic is administered to the fleshly wounded. The same supplies to a spiritual wound. It may hurt to revisit the grudge The resentment may be hard to let go of. Give it to God. Cut off your permission to think of this issue as yours. This step of disinfecting stops germs from creating more serious issues like infection which can lead to amputation. Your spirit can be so infected by refusing to cleanse with forgiveness, you could cause your blessing to be amputated or cut off. Be sure to disinfect yourself with proper prayer. 

Medicate the issue with the healing Words of psalms. (Psalm 27) and Proverbs. Explore psalms as they provide comfort. Explore proverbs as it provides instructions on how to live. You will need to reprogram the way you think and operate now because you will no longer behave with a chip on your shoulder. 

Cover the wound with prayer. Continually ask God to take away any animosity, anger, guilt, or any negative feeling associated with the situation. The mind is the battle ground that needs to be covered the most. Because forgiving is a process, you may have to repeat these steps until you can see and feel healing slowly take place. 

After going through the forgiveness process a few times, you may feel you are passed the situation but this may not be true. When a person reaches a certain stage in the healing process, they may feel strong enough to confront a person. But we all know that just because we take a bandage off of a wound doesn’t mean we won’t feel any pain is it’s nudged or pressed on. 
When we confront people about things we feel we have forgiven them for and that person doesn’t have the response we feel we deserve or doesn’t respond at all, we open the wound back up with more bleeding and more pain. Our only expectation should be from God. (Psalm 62.) Don’t look for someone to know their lines and say exactly what you need them to say for you to feel better. 

For this reason it is important not allow your ability you forgive be dependent on someone’s willingness or ability to apologize sufficiently. You may never be free because you may never get that apology. Start the process of forgiveness over again and allow your wounds to become a scar. Scars remind us of the injury (what happened) without including the pain. Hallelujah! 

How to stay Healed

Pay attention to the voice of the Lord, do what is right in His sight, keep His commandments and laws, God will keep you from things that ails others. You will be healed in different areas if your life. 

At this time, hopefully you have written down something or someone you need to forgive. Fold it up tight and hold hands with your neighbor. Tell your neighbor, We are about to sow our seeds of healing right now! We are going to help each other release this burden and sow our seeds of healing.”


Whatever you wrote down will be released from your possession. Before you throw it away, be sure you are separating from it and allowing God to heal your heart from it. You will no longer carry this situation in your spirit. Pray for your release as well as the person you are connected to. 

*Let us Pray.*

Lord God, help us release it. WE WANT HEALING, LORD. We want to start over and be refreshed and renewed. Help us release the stronghold and never look back. Make us whole without the apology. Give us closure. Give us peace. We want our joy back. 

Your Word says:

For wherever two or three are gathered (drawn together as My followers) in (into) My name, there I AM in the midst of them. [Exod. 3:14.]
Matthew 18:20 AMPC

Who is a God like You, Who forgives iniquity and passes over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He retains not His anger forever, because He delights in mercy and loving-kindness. He will again have compassion on us; He will subdue and tread underfoot our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. [Ps. 103:12.]
Micah 7:18‭-‬19 AMPC

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:12 AMPC

Then shall your light break forth like the morning, and your healing (your restoration and the power of a new life) shall spring forth speedily; your righteousness (your rightness, your justice, and your right relationship with God) shall go before you [conducting you to peace and prosperity], and the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. [Exod. 14:19, 20; Isa. 52:12.]
Isaiah 58:8 AMPC

We are leaning on your Word to help us begin this journey of forgiveness so wet can get to the healing You have for us. We thank you for forgiving us and all that you cover into our hearts and help us forgive. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen! 

Begin to thank and praise God for being a burden bearer. Thank God for the healing! Amen! 

*Give it to God activity* Take the piece of paper with you wrote on earlier and fold it up. After praying and asking that God carry this burden toss paper into the trash. You can rip the paper up or simply throw it away. When you dispose of it, represents the sea of forgetfulness. This issue is no longer yours.  Give it God as many times as you need to in order not to carry it. 

The 2nd Annual Healed in Heels Women Conference’s theme is Survivor’s Remorse and will be held Saturday, October 21, 2017. Get your mother, aunts, cousins, co-workers,  workout partners,  best friends,  ex-friends and even enemies together to come to Healed in Heels to learn about survivor’s remorse this year.  Click the link below to get your free ticket! 

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/healed-in-heels-survivors-remorse-tickets-35652435394?aff=eand

We hope to see you there! 

Sayuri Smith and Coco Gayle

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED copyright  Sayuri Smith LLC. 

How to Get The Most Out of Your Church Visit

As the author of Scriptures for Strippers, I get asked all the time about church. People ask me how often I go to church, what church I am a member of and when should they “join” a church. 

On page 25 of Scriptures for Strippers, there is a chart to keep up with the different church experiences to determine if that particular house of worship is right for you. On this chart, you can document the pastor, how you were received and more.  But it is very important to go into any house of God following some very simple guidelines in order to get the best out of each visit. 

There are some people who have experienced “church hurt” where they may have experienced rejection, abandonment or alienation so entering into a church puts them in a defensive posture or they may even reject the notion all together. There are other people who have the wrong expectations of the experience and find themselves chronically disappointed in their church visits for a myriad of reasons. 

After studying the Word on my own, outside of a pastor,  I finally allowed myself to explore church again. I had taken about a 2 year hiatus from regularly attending a house of worship. I always felt The Spirit when I went and refreshed and inspired when I left. I was accepted and loved, even after some of the members found out that I used to be a stripper. After relocating across town and giving birth to a new baby, getting to that church became a bit of a challenge so I began to explore houses of worship in my new community.  There are a few things I have learned in order to benefit from each visit that I’d like to share in this blog post about how to go to church for maximum effectiveness.

  1. Go Into The House of God to worship Him along with Others. When going to church, keep your blessings in the front of your mind. Being thankful for what you have and mindful of the grace and mercy of God is a great posture to put your spirit upon entering the house of The Lord.  When it comes to praise and worship,  you may sing along if you know the words but if you don’t,  you can still stand to your feet to show reverence to God.  Some people put their hands up, clap or wave their hands as an act of worship. If you ever start to feel ashamed or self conscious, remember people are there for God, not you. (Daniel 4:2.)
  2. Be receptive to courtesy and love. While in church, people are instructed to “turn to their neighbor” and say things,  shake their hands, hug or pray with them.  When they ask if there are any visitors,  everyone may want to hug or speak to the newbie. Allow the love to flow! Shake hands with people of you don’t feel comfortable giving hugs. Smile and greet people. If people at church start to inquire about you joining the church, simply smile and say, “I’ll see you next time.” If you feel pressured, don’t take it personally.  It may be that person’s way of attempting to make you feel welcome, wanted and valued. (Hebrews 13:1)
  3. Dress appropriately.  Whenever we are invited to a party, are going to an interview or on a even a date, lots of thought goes into what to wear. Clothes have different functions and purposes that’s why there are dress codes for some clubs. The logic behind some clubs’ dress code is because they understand that if someone is wearing more formal clothes, they will be less likely to fight or be disruptive. When going to an interview,  we want to be perceived in a certain light so we may wear something to represent ourselves to be professional, intelligent and capable of doing a job well.  When dressing up for a date, the strategies for wardrobe choice varies.  If a woman is trying to “hook” a man,  she may dress like a hooker, wearing revealing clothes that take the attention away from her personality and focus on her physicality.  If she is trying to impress him, she may carry an expensive purse or wear expensive shoes. But a smart woman will present herself to be received with some mystery and respect.  She will wear clothes appropriate for the date activity and will provoke her date to see her as a person not a sexual object.  Getting dressed for church isn’t rocket science but you should think about it enough to present yourself in a way that is at least respectful to yourself. Pull pants up on waistlines with belts if needed,  have skirts that at least reach your knees while standing and refrain from showing the cleavage or midriffs areas as well.  Dressing this way can enhance your visit because you can enjoy yourself without tugging on short skirts, or constantly fixing revealing blouses and you can praise God with confidence there will be no wardrobe malfunctions. 
  4. Take notes. When the speaker gives scriptures,  write it down.  You can listen and write down other poignant or profound points too.  Later when you go home to reflect on The Word,  you won’t have to rely on your memory.  Even if the church provides a program with the scriptures on it,  you will remember it better when you write it down. Taking notes also helps you focus on receiving the message better. Listen out for things that speak to a situation you are dealing with and make notes to revisit it later to read it for yourself. When reading it later,  God may reveal a deeper meaning that ministers to you. (Proverbs 8:33)
  5. Do not focus on the people. Your Expectancy should be from God. Enter into the house of the Lord expecting to be encouraged in your spirit. Church is supposed to be a place where people are loving and polite. They are supposed to smile and even offer hugs. The operative word is supposed to. Just in case they are not friendly or do not warmly welcome you, does not mean The Holy Spirit will not reveal anything to you in this place. It may be the devil attempting to distract and defeat you so you won’t be paying attention when God’s word is spoken. Church people have issues, bad days and can be distracted. Don’t take everything personally. Focus on praising God for what he has done in your life and being thankful to God for the blessings you do have. Be thankful that you didn’t suffer all the consequences you should have as you disobey him and His Word. (Psalm 62:5)

Transitioning Stripper Support Group

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The struggle of living without capitalizing on the knowledge and ability of a legal, easy way to earn an excellent income is hard for many women to turn away from this component of being an exotic dancer. No matter how much drama, how much relationships suffer or how terrible achy my body was from performing table dances for 30 songs straight which equal out to about 2 hours of high-impact aerobics.

I wanted to talk to someone about the issues of the club in a safe place with no judgement. I struggled with the isolation the adult entertainment world had wedged between all the people I loved. I was money hungry. But I never felt like that was a bad thing. I thought it meant there was a work ethic that was naturally thrusting me to go after the thing that would absolutely sustain and allow me to be the best person I can. I can give and provide for the people I loved the most. Why could wanting to be able to provide for my family be a bad thing?

Nobody talks about the bad side of the glamour lifestyle. Sometimes we get caught up on what everyone else thinks (all in the name of being a hustler with a “fie mouf piece”) to appeal to everyone… After all it is your job to appeal to as many as possible in the strip club environment but not outside.

Maybe you are in a place where you can separate the strip club life and your authentic life. As a stripper, it is healthy to understand how to keep your personal life safe from the strip club lifestyle. Maybe you want to talk about how to deal with customers who pressure and proposition you every week.

If you are interested in participating in the Transitioning Stripper Support group. Email me at scripturesforstrippers@gmail.com.

Peace and Blessings
Sayuri Smith

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Back to the drawing board… 

An unpublished entry from August 6, 2014

It is no secret that I’ve been on a long journey to transitioning out of a lifestyle which afforded me all I needed and wanted. But the anxiety of stepping out and doing something new can not be described. How could taking off all your clothes, dance in 6 inch heels….on a stage be easier than starting another “normal” job? I have yet to understand for myself. That hasn’t stopped me from attempting to reach out and try new things with the same attitude I brought inside the club when I first started.

“I’m here to work!”

I went before God after struggling with issues that prevented me from even imagining a change. The devil attacked my closest relationships, my mind and my spirit. I was so depressed I couldn’t muster a smile for anything. Striving toward my willingness to change was a struggle that has paid off. Some things weren’t moving fast enough. After spending hours on-line looking and applying for jobs, I have landed a few jobs since retiring.

I have been a pre-school Sign language teacher, a marketing executive for a local denial management firm and a sign language instructor for young girls. During this time I have been working on the official release of Scriptures for Strippers and…..

I have a confession. I have started back dancing again…. but I won’t say where…yet. Hey, I’m in fundraising mode! My biggest new project is to fund a foundation to help women transition out of the strip club. I am experiencing life as a woman attempting to support her son without dancing. And it absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I had made a deadline for my lifestyle change to come pin of the blue and hit my life. If it didn’t, I made peace with the fact that I would have to dance again. The deadline came but no job. I had done some gigs but not the steady work I needed to support myself and my kid.

My independence was lost and I was humbled by God and reality. I couldn’t control anything because I had absolute no money. But God always provided. We had somewhere to lay our heads, cover our bodies and fill our bellies. Then he paid my bills, put gas in my car and kept me and my son healthy. But I was still depressed because I was tired of depending on God in a passive way. I had become frustrated my being broke and feeling stunted. I cried some nights…and days. I wanted to die because I was just so scared of not being able to do something other than dancing. Worrying about the future is the worst thing to do when depressed.

God has provided miracles for me that have shown me who and what should be my priorities. Not just money. Don’t pray for money. Pray that God meet the need, then keep your eyes and heart open for his blessings. See, God’s blessings are both big and small. He blessed us with breath in our bodies. Many people don’t even think about breathing; they just do it. Recently, God blessed me with a car. A free car. Now, that was a big blessing most would consider to be a miracle. I do and I thank God for that and plan to use the rest of my life living as that giving spirit.

To cheerfully give when the one who helps is in need is one of the most generous of acts. I have met many people who have been a blessing to me but they were also waiting for blessings for themselves. I thank God for all my blessings. He has opened doors (and no man can shut them) He has pardoned debt, He had released me from bondage… And I thank Him.

Transitioning 101: Baby Steps Walking into a New Path

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Although I would love to announce I have everything the way I want and everything I’ve ever done had been a huge success, I can’t. I have tried to do many different professions but have yet to land where I have a sure financial footing. As an adult entertainer attempting to secure financially sufficient employment and merge more into the mainstream society, I must admit how very hard it is adjusting to the slow pace of bureaucracy and procedures. Going back to school, on the job training and other obstacles discourage women who are attempting to transition out of the strip club without depending on a man (or woman) to provide necessities for her. Any girl looking to change her lifestyle must slow down and focus on baby taking steps.

Most dancers I know move fast. They talk fast and make quick decisions (be it right or wrong). It mostly comes from working in a fast-paced environment. The money comes fast, spends fast and can be looked forward to coming again. For these reasons, I believe it is so hard for some women to transition from making fast (strip club) money to slow (payroll) money.

The first thing a transitioning girl must do is BUDGET. Learning how to prioritize spending is an essential discipline to practice a new life style is the most important because needs are covered before wants. This can be a painful reality for girls who are used to spending the money they plan to make again later that night. If you’re not dancing in the clubs, chances are you are making money doing something else. Not much else pays as fast, legally, anyway.

While venturing into a new path, it is important to understand the concept of baby steps. Babies are born not being able to do much of anything for themselves. Then a little time goes by and they learn to sit up alone. This gives them a chance to observe and evaluate their environment. More time goes by and the baby learns to crawl . The baby can be a explorer, use more senses by touching and traveling to and fro. Babies get into lots of danger during this time but are safe to explore as long as a loving, caring parent is around to ensure the baby doesn’t hurt herself while venturing out into the world.

When babies learn to walk, she uses everything she has learned through observation, experience to do something different than what she had been. It is natural to want to push to be more. Most babies never become complacent with crawling and never try to walk. Pulling up and standing up are the first feat to tackle. Taking steps forward takes concentration, balance and coordination. All things a baby must master before getting to that point.

As we transition into more formal methods of employment from adult entertainment, it is important to remember that you persevered once before in life. Aspiring to be more than a stripper is good but requires diligence, discipline and dedication. Taking baby steps requires lost of falling. Imagine yourself as a baby. How many times do you think you fell before you mastered walking?

Remember this the next time you fall. Keep getting back up and staying on the path God has carved out for you.

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The Fear of God vs. the Fear of Man

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“And I will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will not turn away from doing them good; but I will put My fear in their hearts so they will not depart from me.” Jeremiah 32:40

When a man use a fear to dominate and control, those feelings often come with physical, emotional or spiritual pain. He may use hurtful words, actions or his back hand. When you experience the fear of God, you are being chastened with the results of following a way that was not of Him. You may end up suffering consequences as a result of not adhering to His plan. But God promises to bring good to those who turn to Him… Regardless of the circumstances.

When one fears The Lord, peace and wisdom are present. Resting in The Lord allows rest to come in. When you fear The Lord, you will be blessed, when you fear man you will be cursed.