Scriptures for Strippers: Temptation

After I became an exotic dancer, I was always tempted to work, not knowing how much I would make or miss out on if I didn’t go. It drove me crazy! The freedom in schedule allowed me to pick and and choose when I’d go in. I needed to make sure I rested but I didn’t want to miss an opportunity to score a big pay day.

While at work, my goal was to dance for everyone in the room at least once. While talking to customers, they began to make proposals for me to leave the club with them in order to make extra money. I always thought about Cold Case Files and Unsolved Mysteries and ran from the people who attempted to bait me with promises of money, fame or anything. I was afraid of the unknown. But after a while, I began to wonder if I was shortchanging myself. I wondered if I was missing opportunities because I was so afraid of what I didn’t know. Every time I thought about how harmless a guy seemed, I thought of the movie, Silence of the Lambs, where a serial killer would pose as a man in need of help, complete with an arm cast only to abduct women and skin them.

What are the temptations exotic dancers face? When customers want to hear something good, dancers are tempted to lie to keep the money flowing and fulfill a man’s fantasy of getting his way with a beautiful woman. When a customer leaves his money or credit card out, a dancer may be tempted to steal it and take a few days off work. The temptation to trade sex for sexual favors for money will present itself a few times everyday. When a customer pressures a dancer to meet him after she leaves work, depending on who she is hooked up with, she can be tempted to have the customer set up to be robbed. Sometimes robberies go bad and someone ends up getting hurt. There are temptations to drink too much and use drugs to distract dancers from their reality. A fellow dancer can tempt another to fight by stealing money or customers. A patron can tempt a dancer to fight by refusing to pay her. The list of temptations in the strip club are literally endless.

The scriptures that came to mind while in these situations kept me from participating in certain behaviors and being in precarious scenarios. I always reminded myself that:

“Every good and perfect gift cones from above; it comes down from the Father of light.” James 1:17

This means I didn’t have to anything people were trying to get me to do. I was there to make money off my dance skills and that was it! I didn’t feel the need to do anything extra in order to make it.

“But those who crave to be rich fall into temptation and a snare and into many foolish (useless, godless) and hurtful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction and miserable perishing.”
1 Timothy 6:9 AMPC

This scripture revealed the trap that temptation is. I didn’t want to end up in ruin, destruction or die a horrible death just because of a few extra dollars.

“For the love of money is a root of all evils; it is through this craving that some have been led astray and have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves through with many acute [mental] pangs.”

1 Timothy 6:10 AMPC

This scripture is one of the most misinterpreted of all. The love of money is the root of all evil. Money is not evil. I’ve seen some people do some crazy stuff for money. The love and desperation for it is so dangerous in the strip club. Pimps and predatory customers lure dancers into dungeons using their own desire for money to make them prisoners. This scripture also speaks on the negative toll the love of money takes on one’s mental health.

Everyone has a plan to eventually leave the club. Don’t be tempted by things that sounds too good to be true and don’t allow or develop the love of money to rule you. Pray always and know nothing last forever. Don’t allow desperation to make you feel like you have to do something crazy to get your needs met. Pick up your copy of Scriptures for Strippers from Amazon or visit the http://www.ScripturesForStrippers.com

“And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.”
Matthew 6:13 AMPC

All Rights Reserved. © Sayuri Smith LLC. 2017

The Bridge KickBack: An Organic Authentic Worship Experience Outside the Four Walls of Traditional Church

On my journey to experiencing God through fellowship with His people, I have come to learn about different Bible studies, church services and events with the purpose of drawing people nearer to our Creator. My calendar is full of prayer calls that happen over the phone, evening Bible studies and the different times church services start for Sunday morning service.

There are recurring events that happen every other week or monthly that I plan to go to but I sometimes lose track of time or get the event days mixed up. This was certainly the case with the catching up with The Bridge KickBack, a millenial-led church service that takes place at Nancy’s Pizza in Atlanta, Georgia every other Monday at 7 pm.

I discovered this service after first falling in love with the gospel trap music artist named Glo and his album, “Trapping Out the Church”. I absolutely loved every song I heard (and added to my Lit for the Lord playlist on YouTube) but my favorites are “On the Water” and “By the Twos”. I had to post part of a song on my instagram page and found GLO to tag him. I was excited to learn that he lived in metro Atlanta and actually did a song, “Worship for The Hood”, that shouted out my old neighbor in Riverdale, GA. After doing a little bit more investigating, I saw that he was a part of a movement called The Bridge KickBack where young people gathered together to have praise and worship and uplifting words about Jesus Christ after playing some fun games and having some gut busting laughs.

Last week, they also had a very unique online event called the Unapologetically Me Conference that included panel discussions, testimonies and inspiration from different people from various races, backgrounds and lifestyles. They discussed your identity in Christ and image versus reality among other things starting on Instagram and leading to Youtube for the full video. I was blessed by this insight and appreciated the testimonies shared! This made me vigilant about keeping up with and catching the date for the next bi-weekly event so I can finally experience this event in person.

My youngest sister is a bonafide millenial and I immediately thought of her when I saw the clips of people talking about their experiences with the Holy Spirit during this unadulterated, unique encounter with God. I was excited to plan to go to this event with her. My children came as well. My daughter enjoyed dancing to the familiar gospel trap music and my son dominated the Connect 4 table. We also enjoyed some authentic, delicious Chicago-style deep dish pizza that didn’t break the bank!

I was beyond excited to experience the spirit-filled altar call where the ladies gathered and were encouraged to embrace, pray with or intercede for each other. There was a real sense of sisterhood and family in the room as we all lifted up the name of our Lord together. I was on mommy duty with my baby girl but God still afforded me an opportunity to pray with a lady in the back of the room. She was eventually encouraged enough to go to the front of the room and join the altar call.

There was a round table discussion and a panel discussion on different spiritual topics like insecurity and identity in God. I was amazed at how the Holy Spirit came in as we Milly Wopped and did the Running Man for the Lord. I am not easily impressed but my expectations were definitely exceeded as I didn’t expect the move of God to be so strong. I listen to gospel rap a lot but I now know that the Holy Spirit will visit any place where it is welcome. I love praising, worshipping, glorifying and loving on the Lord and it felt good to be in the company of so many people who were on the same accord. There was no judgment, negative vibes or quenched spirit in this place…Praise God! I totally recommend this event to anyone who wants to invite someone to church but know they won’t show up to an actual church building. It is clearly an awesome alternative to Bible study that will keep you engaged, entertained and energized! I am grateful that the folks at The Bridge KickBack for allow themselves to be a great representative of what the church should be, people who bring God WHEREVER they go and are unapologetic as they do it!

This is a blurry picture but I was excited to take this selfie with my favorite local gospel trap artist, GLO! I had an absolute blast at The Bridge Kickback! I look forward to the next event and invite anyone in Atlanta who would love to experience the spirit of God OUTSIDE the 4 walls of church. Be sure sure to check out my homeboy and brother in Christ, GLO. Follow him on Instagram @Gloman1. Make sure you stay tuned to find out about the next event by following @TheBridgeKickback at Nancy’s Chicago Pizza located at 265 Ponce De Leon Ave NE A, Atlanta, GA 30308. Hope to see you soon! Follow me on @SayuriSmith to learn about unique positive events in Atlanta and beyond! Be Blessed!

All Rights Reserved ©Sayuri Smith LLC.

Why Every Exotic Dancer in the World will Love Les Miserables

Last week I saw a movie that has beautifully illustrated my journey of transition from the lifestyle of an adult entertainer. There have been so many versions and interpretations to the popular and critically-acclaimed musical, Les Miserables. The fact that this production is in the “musical” genre has kept me from having any interest in seeing it. When I came across this particular version, I let my guard down because I couldn’t see Liam Neeson or Uma Thurman belting out a whole movie. I am so glad I gave it a chance because this genius piece had no singing. This movie was literally the most cathartic, encouraging and gut wretching thing I’ve seen in a while.

Les Miserables illustrated why there are people in the world who rule with an iron fist. These people have heavy-handed judgement and hatred in their hearts and attached stigmatising labels to brand others socially with an inescapable spiritual death sentence. This movie contained prostitution, desperation, incarceration and redemption. I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone who is interested but this movie was amazing to me because of the focus on the concept of redemption from a person’s past, protecting loved ones from a bad past and how society labels and condemns people, trapping them in a time warp where whatever they do, they can never live down their past mistakes. There may be times where the past will stalk, threaten and bind up a person, even if they make peace with it. Only until a person surrenders to, own and embrace their past, with no need for revenge or having feelings of resentment and shame will they remove the power and negativity of the label.

This movie reminded me of a few concepts the Bible teaches us about the price Jesus paid for anyone to start new in him. For anyone in transition, I want you to know God wants to extend His hand to you but you will not be the same. When you get the opportunity to start over, you will choose your new actions for your new life. You are no longer subjected to responding the same way you did before. When one of the characters did something wrong and blamed it on the label the world saw him as, someone told him he was redeemed through Christ. We are instructed to renew our minds and in this film, I saw how a new beginning was embraced and a new creature lived but still had to suffer for the actions of the old creature. I was moved by the necessary loyalty to the decision to change even when some situations threatened life itself.

“Do not [earnestly] remember the former things; neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18‭-‬19 AMPC

One of the other concepts that hit home with me was protecting someone from their past so they can live a label free life. Protecting the innocence of children, family or even a spouse is a difficult and taxing task on the relationship. The sacrifice and protection it takes to ensure someone has the opportunity to have the advantage of an untarnished name is crushingly painful as it requires the installation of secrets and strict adherence to rules nobody else will ever understand without the threat of exposure. Once the exposure happens, the relationship is at the mercy of society, the results can be devastating if one does not know their identity in Christ. This film also showed how the freedom one feels when the past is finally faced, owned and the consequences are faced with dignity and true repentance can be one of the ultimate lifetime achievement. There is redemption in God.

“For I will restore healing to you, and I will heal your wounds, says the Lord, because they have called you an outcast.” Jeremiah 30:17

I want every dancer, especially one in transition, to watch this movie. Watching the characters in this movie struggle to etch out a life on the brink of society’s acceptance of their humanity was sometimes hard to watch and triggered me with feelings of depression, anger, despair and reminded me of the cold isolation I endured during the beginning stages of my transition. As each dancer watches, I want her to remember that there is freedom on the other side of her struggle as long as there is a strong will to become dedicated and determined to truly allow herself to be organically renewed. Another key is to humbly endure life.

For me, reconnecting with God through his Holy Word was a huge factor in reconstructing my identity while in transition to a life without the strip club. Get your copy of Scriptures for Strippers from Amazon or from http://www.ScripturesforStrippers.com in order to learn how to apply The Holy Word of God to the situation you are in right now as an exotic dancer. Your life will improve when God’s plan for your life is implemented. God will give you peace in the middle of the storm if you let Him.

Copyright © All rights reserved. Sayuri Smith LLC. 2017

Reclaiming My Time: Fighting Procrastination

There is a viral video of U.S. representative for California’s 43rd congressional district Maxine Waters where she is requesting an answer to a specific question and when the answer was not given, she repeated the phrase “Reclaiming my Time” over and over again. As I watched her speak, it made me think of all the times I have allowed others to waste mine and I realized I need to be more like Auntie Maxine.

When working at the club, I was extremely efficient in spending the appropriate amount of time with a customer to maximize profitability. If a patron was not paying me to talk, I was being paid to dance. If I wasn’t being paid to dance, I was getting paid somewhere else. It was simple but unfortunately life isn’t that cut and dried. *sad face* I am currently working on a fictional novel based on my life, Dancability, which has me reflecting on how I have spent my time. This is mostly the result of having a huge issue with procrastination.

I remember working with ladies who would come to work with astronomical nightly quotas because they had a bill due in the next few days. They needed to make $800 that night or their rent would be late or would be in jeopardy of getting a visit from the repo man. I watched these ladies and made a point to slowly save up my money to avoid adding anxiety to the already stressful job of dealing with drunken men all night. Ugh. Because I planned some things and avoided certain issues, I could not see how I was procrastinating in other areas.

As a part of my new lifestyle, I have implemented a new way of living which starts with the concept of reclaiming my time. There are so many different things God has shown me I must accomplish but I keep finding “good reasons” to put them on the back burner. I am an ex-exotic dancer who has been out of the game for 2 years but still consider myself to be in transition because of the many changes I still need to make to be the new and improved me. After working in the strip club for so long, I have become accustomed to fast money. I could wake up with $60 and go to sleep with $600. There was no waiting for pay day or a pay check. I got cash in my hand after dancing my heart out. I could put off working all week if I wanted and still pay my bills on time. I would have to rest up in order to work so hard so what some people called procrastination, I called getting rested. Procrastination has taken a different form now that I do not dance anymore and it has been hard to pinpoint. I balance so many different items on my plate, I see I have to really manage my time and not stretch myself too thin because procrastination can come in looking like juggling. When you juggle, you have to divide your attention and when you look away from something, you have to set a date to return to it. When you don’t, it won’t get done and you will start a bunch of projects and finish none. You may sign up to help someone when you need that time for yourself. You will need to reclaim your time.

I hated to admit my issue with procrastination and my inability to properly prioritize my time. There are so many things I would like to accomplish that I now see that it is very important to strengthen this weakness to be victorious in my own life. In the back of my mind, I put things off just knowing they will get done (just like knowing my bills would be paid when I worked at the club). Working at the strip club empowered me to have complete control of my time which ironically hindred me from making the most of it because I always mismangaged it. Not working to a set schedule and being able to work whenever I wanted fed into my procrastination of taking care of less desirable tasks.

I find that the more I talk to God, the more focused my thoughts are and waste less energy. When your steps are ordered by God, you can do more with less.

“The steps of a [good and righteous] (wo)man are directed and established by the Lord, And He delights in his or her way [and blesses his path]. PSALM 37:23 AMP

Setting goals and deadlines for myself is essential to marking things off my to-do list and pushing procrastination out of the picture. I foucs on this scripture that tells me to seek guidance when I get off track and reminds me to get back on task. My list “counsels” me about what I need to be doing.

“Where there is no [wise, intelligent] guidance, the people fall [and go off course like a ship without a helm], But in the abundance of [wise and godly] counselors there is victory.” PROVERBS 11:14 AMP

“Let us test and examine our ways, And let us return to the Lord.” LAMENTATIONS 3:40 AMP

It is important to know that taking baby steps are the way to accomplish your goals. In the Focusing on Goals and Purpose chapter of Scriptures for Strippers, there is a place to list short term and long term goals. If you need a indepth plan of action, turn to page 289 and get busy filling in your overall goals, supporting goals, the action taken and the result. Whenever I am having issues with prioritizing projects, I ask God. He answered with this.

“But all things should be done with regard to decency and propriety and in an orderly fashion.” 1 Corinthians 14:40 AMPC

I hope this blog post has blessed you in some way. Please feel free to leave comments below or contact me with any question or suggestions for the blog.Get your copy of Scriptures For Strippers from the official website or from Amazon. Click the link below. https://www.amazon.com/stream/ref=nav_upnav_mobile_C_SearchAW

Follow on FB and IG @SayuriSmith #ScripturesForStrippers May God continue to bless and keep you.

All Rights Reserved Sayuri Smith LLC.

 

The Top 3 Reasons “Scriptures for Strippers” is a Must-Read for EVERY Dancer

Some believe that women who work as adult entertainers are keeping themselves from God by participating in an obviously sinful profession and should not find God until they abandon their job. Others believe that God will not hear the prayers and cries of these women who are hurting on the inside and want peace, love and joy. Inquiring minds ask about the purpose of Scriptures for Strippers, the first and only devotional for adult entertainers is but what they really want to know is whether I am condemning or encouraging women with this book. That is a fair question and I quickly let anyone know that only God can judge a person and I understand my duty as a child of God, a member of the Kingdom of God and a witness to the power of God. I am supposed to give my testimony so that others may be free. It is not my job to “condemn” her but many think when I disregard her profession, I fail her. I personally understand every unmentionable battle because I used to be an exotic dancer myself. I was a dancer at for 15 years off and on and I totally get the struggle. If anyone agrees that I should be harshly admonishing and critcizing these women, I’d like to take this time to remind them of what the Bible says:

“Brothers (and sisters), if anyone is caught in any sin, you who are spiritual [that is, you who are responsive to the guidance of the Spirit] are to restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness [not with a sense of superiority or self-righteousness], keeping a watchful eye on yourself, so that you are not tempted as well.” GALATIANS 6:1 AMP

At the end of 2014, I left the club for the second time and was very despondent. I was isolated, depressed and chronically worried. I was so weary from working in the strip club to support myself and my toddler son. I tossed my dance bag in a dumpster at a carwash and just quit going to work. I told God I was done with that because it was depressing, draining and was driving a huge wedge between me and anything I wanted. I went to church and the preacher said there is a scripture for every struggle. He gave us an assignment to go home and make a list of scriptures for every weak area of our life.

I went home and made a list and Scriptures for Strippers was born. I know it is my duty to share what God has revealed to me because the Bible says:

“So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord or about me His prisoner, but with me take your share of suffering for the gospel [continue to preach regardless of the circumstances], in accordance with the power of God [for His power is invincible]
2 TIMOTHY 1:8‭ AMP

Here are the 3 main purposes and points of Scriptures for Strippers: 

1. Everyone deserves a relationship with God. “Come close to God [with a contrite heart] and He will come close to you.” JAMES 4:8 AMP
   As a dancer, it is essential to have a relationship with God to guard against the demons that lurk in strip clubs. Many people regard the actual dancers as the demons who attempt to seduce men and destroy families by leading men astray when the fact of the matter is there are lost young women who seek to deal with spiritual deficiency and brokeness by becoming dancers. Other women dance for financial gain without weighing the the spiritual, mental and emotional costs. Honestly, there is no real way to know exactly what these women actually deal with unless you have been in the environment of the strip club personally. Having a working knowledge of what the Word of God actually says about equips these women to fight spiritual battles. Working as a stripper makes a woman vulnerableand exposed not just physically. Although, many may think of a prayer in the strip club is blasphemy the Word of God says: “The eyes of the Lord are in every place.” PROVERBS 15:3 AMP “If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol (the nether world, the place of the dead), behold, You are there.”PSALM 139:8 AMP
2. To provide a source of hope and protection. “…that the Lord your God may show us the way in which we should walk and the thing that we should do.”
   JEREMIAH 42:3 AMP
   Studying the Word of God reveals what to hope and trust in. While working in a strip club, women are approached by different spirits seeking various things. These women need spiritual protection as men (and women) come in to exploit mental, emotional and spiritual immaturity. There are women with abandonment issues, low self-esteem, anger, and unforgiveness in their hearts which makes them dangerous to themselves and even the people around them at any given moment. Strippers experience a high rate of rejection and my develop in a people pleaser. It is very beneficial to a woman who works in this industry to know what God has said about her and her future to combat the negative self-image that develops as a result of becoming a stripper. Someone needs to tell the young women that the Bible says: “The Lord will make you the head (leader) and not the tail (follower); and you will be above only, and you will not be beneath, if you listen and pay attention to the commandments of the Lord your God, which I am commanding you today, to observe them carefully.” DEUTERONOMY 28:13 AMP.  Scriptures for Strippers is not used for judging and condemning. Working as a dancer is hard enough! I read Psalm 27 everyday before going inside the club for protection and I have never been harmed!
3. To help women get to a place where they can discover their purpose. When the glamour is gone and facts of the lifestyle trump the fantasy and fallicy, depression and desperation can suddenly take hold of a woman who works as a stripper. A dancer who is desperate is dangerous to herself and others. She may think of robbery, murder or prostitution when she has endured nights where she did not make her quota or thinks of transitioning. So it is safe to say that after dancing for a while, many dancers may attempt to concoct an exit strategy. These are extremely difficult to execute without a strong sense of disclipline and laser sharp focus on her goals. The fast money is life changing and it is extremely difficult to replace the income she has become accustomed to generating. Only God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, can reveal His plan for her life. This is the other reason I do not tell dancers to stop working in the club. After she has her own personal relationship with God, she will begin to behave differently and will be able to see a new plan develop for her life. Everyone is created for a reason and purpose.
   

   “for He delivered us and saved us and called us with a holy calling [a calling that leads to a consecrated life–a life set apart–a life of purpose], not because of our works [or because of any personal merit–we could do nothing to earn this], but because of His own purpose and grace [His amazing, undeserved favor] which was granted to us in Christ Jesus before the world began [eternal ages ago],2 TIMOTHY 1:3‭, ‬9 AMP

   It is important to remember that NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, you can call on God. Only the devil will present things and ideas to steal, kill and destroy. Remember that God has a plan for your future. Do not give up on yourself. When you feel like you have hit rock bottom, call on the chief cornerstone and let Jesus Christ lead you. God will hear your prayers and cries. Don’t take my word for it. The Bible says:

“~‘For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord , ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope. ~‘Then you will call on Me and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear [your voice] and I will listen to you. ~‘Then [with a deep longing] you will seek Me and require Me [as a vital necessity] and [you will] find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. ~‘I will be found by you,’ says the Lord , ‘and I will restore your fortunes and I will [free you and] gather you–“JEREMIAH 29:11‭-‬14‭, ‬16 AMP

Wanna learn more? Listen to the interview on the GWade Radio Show!

Order your copy of Scriptures for Strippers on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. Choose from 2 different cover options.

If you need immediate assistance, please contact http://www.4Sarah.net

All rights reserved

Copyright 2017 Sayuri Smith LLC.

The Sex Worker Scholarship That Changed My Life

As an exotic dancer,  it is easy to become trapped by the addiction of fast money, freedom of time and schedule and luxurious lifestyle of sleeping late and lounging until the next shift. The good part seems so good that the bad part doesn’t matter.  The bad part about the adult entertainment lifestyle creeps up from behind and chokes.  The hands of industry immediately wraps its fingers around the throat of a participant but you never feel the squeezing until you try to escape. It is very difficult to get people who are not involved in the industry to understand the struggle. The glamour, the internet, the shame and the pressure to keep up with bills at the same Pace starts to weigh down on these girls and some of them have no place to turn. This is where addiction and suicide come into play. I remember being at the precipice of these two issues and praying to God to rescue me. I had come to understand that no one was going to rescue me from my own life and I was scared to death.

As I continue to pray and see God, 4Sarah came into my life. I came into work one day and saw a huge novelty check over the top of my locker. The check was for $1,000 from my club to an organization called for Sarah. I went over to the bulletin board to get some information about this organization and once I was finish reading it, I knew God sent them to come find me. I did not know anything about what they offered but I was in the process of writing a book called Scriptures for Strippers™ and I thought it would be a good idea to get together with another organization who thought of the women who worked in strip clubs as human beings. After meeting up with the founder of this organization, I discovered that we were old coworkers from another club that had been shut down in Atlanta. It was amazing to be in the company of another woman who wanted to help women stay encouraged as they transitioned into society from the strip club. After we talked about the book, Kasey asked me what I needed help with. I was amazed and a little bit caught off guard by the question. My experience had showed me that no one cared about my transition out of the club. I felt like everyone was waiting on me to just do it on my own. It was my decision to start dancing and everyone was waiting on me to decide to stop. No one ever offered me any real help so I really didn’t even know what to tell her I needed help with although I needed somewhere to live, I wanted another kind of employment so that I could provide for my son and myself.

The actual novelty check donated to 4Sarah from a strip club

At this time Kasey gave me her story and I was in tears by the time she got to the end. She told me what she decided to do after our club was shut down. She told me of all her struggles, pain and shortcomings she had in dealing with transitioning on her own. She eventually became involved with a man who is not her husband and became pregnant with a daughter named Sarah. She could not stop thinking about the women who needed help still working in the club. She wanted to reach back and pull others out and give them the help that she knew they would need in order to change their life. This was the same exact feeling I had when I got to the end of writing Scriptures for Strippers™. At this time she informed me that there was a scholarship available through her organization. She told me how to apply and I did it immediately. I had had a real estate license years before the bubble burst and I thought about getting my license back active in order to transition out of the club once again. When I told her of my plan she agreed that it could be a way to help me stop dancing. I applied for the scholarship and was awarded the funds to take the test to reactivate I expired license, the fees to pay for the actual license and also my eKEY which allowed me to show houses. I was more than floored, humbled and excited when I pass the test and was able to call her and thank her for her help.

I also got the scholarship a year later to help with the publication of Scriptures For Strippers™. I can not express the gratitude I felt for her and this is why a portion of each sale of Scriptures For Strippers™ is donated to 4Sarah, Inc.

I could not stop smiling when I finally published this book!

Although I had no real friends in the industry, I shouted from the rooftops about how 4Sarah helped me to anyone who would listen. I got a whole bunch of brochures to carry in my purse so when I saw a girl who I feel like could use it, I could give her the information. I always see women who I know works in the industry but I can’t explain what I see when I look at them. I just know how it feels and looks like to walk around pretending to have everything together and hoping someone would help without me having to tell them all of my business. The look of shame and quiet hope of escaping some decisions that tricked me. I became involved with doing outreach in the clubs and over the phone. I love working supporting Kasey McClure as she doesn’t give up on anyone and will help them as long as they are willing to help themselves. 

Kasey and I before we spoke to some college students about the dangers and signs of sex trafficking victims and predators.

Kasey and I pausing for a pic during strip club outreach.

Kasey and I at the Anti-Sex Trafficking Summit at the state capitol in Atlanta, Georgia. My baby girl tagged along.

This scholarship is offered to all women involved in any kind of sex work. Whether she is a pornstar, prostitute, escort, stripper or victim of sex trafficking she can apply for this scholarship which will pay the institution directly. In order to apply, she just needs to write an essay about her background, include her aspirations and plans for education, her identification and possibly a resume. It’s very easy to apply for the scholarship which is open every three months. The scholarship is available right now and the deadline for application is July 31st 2017. Please tell anyone you know to apply who is involved in this lifestyle and want to escape.

If you or anyone you know are in a crisis situation and need someone to talk to or immediate assistance please call 4Sarah at 470-362-8808 or visit the website http://www.4Sarah.net.

What Every Dancer can Learn from Micheal Jackson: Searching for Neverland

As a woman who has transitioned out of adult entertainment, I understood why Michael walked around with his face covered and was so soft spoken while of the stage. I like Michael Jackson’s music but I wouldn’t consider myself a fan because I wouldn’t scream, cry or attempt to touch him if I ever saw him. We have so much in common as entertainers, it was mandatory for me to write a review of Searching for Neverland, as this film confirmed my initial comparison. At one of my lowest points, I would wear a ski mask (even in the summer) when I left the house. I always thought of Michael Jackson when I got the curious stares and even the comments. 

The movie is told from the point of view of the man in charge of keeping Michael Jackson and his children safe as his bodyguard. He was being questioned about how the King of Pop died. As he sat in the hot seat answering questions, I began to think of my own experiences as an entertainer. As a transition coach to women who are attempting to transition out of adult entertainment lifestyle, I saw this movie with empathetic eyes. I understand there are very few people who are close to you and your ability to trust people becomes more and more tainted with each disappointment in friendship or even business relationship. Michael was a single parent to 3 children whom he seemed to love very much. He would go on lavish shopping sprees and shut stores down. He was protective of his children and loved to see them smile. 

He had not done a show in a few years and his agent and others were attempting to apply pressure to him to sign papers that would require him to do another show. He dreaded going back up on stage because of what it costed him. Michael definately gave his all during his performances and he was well aware that his age and stamina is not what it used to be. But with the bills piling up, the pressure for him to perform again sent him into a downward spiral of depression and feeling trapped. His reputation had suffered tremendously from the scandal at his old home, Neverland, which accused him of molesting a young boy.

As I watched Neverland, I began to reflect on how my relationship with my love of dance and newly discovered outlet (the strip club) began to deteriorate. Michael had a heart for people; especially children. I believe this was his way of mourning the loss of his own childhood, the one irreplaceable thing that the music industry took from him. As a dancer, turned stripper, I felt Michael’s pain. To turn someone’s absolute love for something against them is cruel, confusing, depressing and degrading. My reputation as an exotic dancer made me feel like a laughing stock and an outcast. I was stereotyped when people did learn of what I did for a living but I was nothing like how they thought. I began to hate people. All people. Because of the disdain people felt about my occupation, I began to be uncomfortable with myself and hated to socialize. I became a recluse and only left the house to work, under the cover of darkness.

The loneliness Michael Jackson lived through was like a loud ringing silence. Through the shopping sprees and grand homes were not enough for people to come around. The hate mail kept rolling in and made him even more isolated. He wasn’t getting any sleep and drank lots of wine. His phone never rang with someone calling to chat or check on him and the kids. I remembered sitting in the house like a hermit, hoping someone would call me. Then I thought of how I didn’t really want to talk. I just wanted someone to care. My mom and sisters would call me some time but I was never free to talk to them about my nights at the club. I was trapped in my own life. I didn’t fit anywhere. I loved dancing but hated interacting with people who assumed they could say certain things to me (without me being offended). I hated how people always wanted more and more of me. I hated how I felt when I had to find a nice way to turn down a disrespectful proposal. I worked very hard a few times a month so I wouldn’t have to keep going to that dreadful place.

My love for dance never died but my anxiety over the stress of working in this environment where I was constantly propositioned for prostitution and I could feel my innocence being stripped away became too much for a 20-yr-old young woman to handle. The irony to the way I was feeling about my newfound life was, financially speaking, the lifestyle was very easy to live. I did not worry about bills or money. One of the hardest things about transitioning for me was to adjust my spending habits and getting on a good sleep schedule. Michael triggered me a few times in the film but nothing got to me as much as when he became upset about being presented with the paperwork that would lock him in a contract to put on another show. He agreed but name it the “This Is It!” tour. In the movie, there came a time when months went by without him paying the security men because Michael could not afford to pay. But they still came to work each day because they realized that Michael had NO ONE but his children and the nanny.

Everytime I had to go back inside the club to earn a living, I would declare the same thing. “This is IT! I’m not getting another permit for another club after this!” (Dancers have to purchase permits to work as strippers that last for 1 year) But the anxiety and depression I endured hurt me so bad when I had to go to work due to lack of funds. The mental strain was unbearable; not to mention the pain I knew I would suffer after dancing my heart out each night. At 12 years old, I was diagnosed with idiopathic adolescent scoliosis. I had to live with this debilitating pain 24/7. Compounding this with the sore muscles I knew were coming from the 8-hour aerobics in 6 inch stillettos was like a death sentence. Dread does not even begin to describe how I felt about going back into the club.

When it was announced that Michael was in the hospital in the movie, I totally broke down. I remember the feeling of being trapped between the strip club and mainstream society. Micheal had a total meltdown once he understood that it was necessary and mandatory for him to perform. He was planning to purchase a new home and be free from the contracts that owned him. When he died, I cried like I was at a funeral. His decision to die instead of performing was the most triggering thing for me. I’m not sure I believe a doctor killed him but I am sure that the entertainment industry will consume you. Making a transition out of the lifestyle is hard enough but I could not imagine it being compounded with the flashing lights of the cameras brought on by worldwide fame and the inability to be a human being. I hope people can learn that even famous people are actual people with hearts, minds and feelings too. Rest In Heaven, Michael Jackson. We love and miss you.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED SAYURI SMITH